I have decided that what we need here is a little direction. My nearest and dearest have wonderful directions for their blogs: remodeling a first house, life as a new mother, a hobby, a gift perfected inside a New York apartment closet, etc. Well, since my life with hubby Husker now has a new direction, namely north to Chicago, I've decided to sync (let's be honest, it's more of a re-sync) the direction of this blog with our life as we move from Texas to Chicago. But this sync comes with a confession, so let's get the heavy stuff off my chest before we dive into the mountain of boxes taking over our apartment (pictures to follow).
I am in awe of my friends, namely the young women who have recently taken that big step into marriage and raising a family. I have read so many inspirational posts about being a young and educated woman who is happy and fulfilled raising a Christ-centered family, I could burst. It makes me so happy every time I read one, really it does. I'm glad that they are not letting mainstream views on what makes a "purposeful" life shape their views on God's blessing of new life and family.
I am not there, yet. God has other plans for me, for the moment, and as much as I rejoice in His gifts to me and the direction He is leading me, I am a sinner and comparison is surely the thief of joy.
After I was accepted into grad school, I found that my happiness and excitement at this new stage in my life was slowly being drained away by my selfish need for praise and validation. I received many happy congratulations from those I texted (literally within an hour of getting my happy news), but after only a week I was feeling hurt...no one "liked" my excited Facebook statuses, no one commented on my last blog post. I started to feel like no one supported where I was in life, that through the silence was a judgement that I wasn't a mom already and I was lesser for it. It was childish, really, and I know that. But seeing every uploaded baby picture or pregnancy announcement get 100,000 likes, and many posts about the blessings of starting a family (but none about it being ok for God to provide a path for someone to school or a career first) started to hurt. I was brought back to this hilarious cartoon (and I know that none of you will take this the wrong way and think that I think so little of posts about family and babies - they are great, this is just an illustration of the temper tantrum that *might* have happened inside of me for like, 5 seconds):
But then I prayed about it, and God worked with me (ever so patiently) to remind me that He has just as happy of plans for me, and that I don't need to compare myself to others and worry that they won't think well of me simply because I'm pursuing my master's degree. My family supports me. My husband supports and loves me.
So friends who are at a different place in life than me, please accept my apology for being so childish, selfish, and narcissistic. And keep on being the amazing women of God that you are...and I am going to keep going down my path, and I will do it with grace and peace.
Now back to that mountain of boxes...observe:
From here on out, I will be chronicling our big move from Texas (with it's sun, heat, low cost of living and free parking spaces) to Chicago (with it's urban style, four seasons, and often gag-inducing cost of living).
This is Step One: Being Box Lady and Box Boy
At the moment, hubby and I are looking at an end of July move date. So, for the next two months, we will both be dumpster diving for boxes. There is no way on God's green earth that I am OK with paying hundreds of dollars for packing materials when I can get used materials from work...or Target...or Wal Mart.
I hope you all stay tuned and laugh along with us. I have no doubt that trying to coordinate a total upheaval of life so early in marriage will provide a plethora of opportunities for laughter, humility, learning, and entertaining blog posts.